Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
