Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
