Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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