I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
