dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
