Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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