I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
