Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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