Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
