I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
