I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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