Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize