Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
