the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
