You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
