The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
