very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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