Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
