my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
