Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
