I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
