p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize