Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Moan for me like Helen Keller
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize