My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
