Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
