the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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