Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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