Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
