Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
