fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
