I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
