I'm drive I can fine osifer
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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