I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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