I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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