Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
