i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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