She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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