Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
