I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
