if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
