If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
