matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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