I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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