fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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