Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
