Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize