Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
