I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
