return my video game
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
