His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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