I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
