I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
