my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
