Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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