This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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