He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
