I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
