i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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