I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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