It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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