I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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