So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
lol hangovers are for mortals.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
