Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
