I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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