she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
