is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Vodka?
Forever.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
