this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
