I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
