we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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