I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
